piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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