they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
