As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
