AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
