I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
