also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
