Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
