If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
