You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
