I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
