I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
