i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
