If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
