a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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