just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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