I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
