Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
