I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
