Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
