I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
