It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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