what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm at about main and main street
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
