I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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