Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
