I heard we made out
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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