mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
