If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
