Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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