just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
