You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
