He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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