i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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