you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
