the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
