Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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