Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
