that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
