Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
