alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Of course I have a pirate flag
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
