so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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