like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
