I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
