my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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