so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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