Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Jerry, you need to find god
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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