White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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