i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
