The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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