He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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