I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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