Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
