Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
