if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's never too late to be topless.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have fence marks all over my body
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize