Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?