he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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