I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
do herpes really smell.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
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