Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar