can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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