Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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