It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
