You're earring is so big in my mouth
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
