They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
