So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
