Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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