I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
