a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
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she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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