that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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