Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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