Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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