I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize