Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
