so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
