It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
