I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
