I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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